Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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