you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
