im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
tell me about the fingering
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