We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
