dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
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