Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
