At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
operation harelip BJ is a go
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
