You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
