I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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