I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Barsexuality is the new black.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
