I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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