You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
