he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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