This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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