Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
