Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
