either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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