Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
