Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Two words: blizzard sex
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
