I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
