he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
