we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
