Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
