If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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