Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".