So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.