oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....