You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
