your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?