party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
