U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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