I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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