Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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