I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
