Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
