I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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