I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
