There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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