lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I want a musical about memes.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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