he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
