I wanna bring you to show and tell
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
