ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
