I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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