I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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