I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
