Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
