first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
you never un-have a 4some
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
