the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
