Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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