The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
