his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
