She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
