I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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