I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
You have to summon your inner elephant
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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