I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
