HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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