is your mom at the bar?
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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