Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
