I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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