I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
