he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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