C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I forget how to act sober
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
