she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
