If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
