So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
