Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
