i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
