he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
