Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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