It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
