If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
she looked like the before picture.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
