there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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